


The Legend of Rose: Bass of Time

by Hammermaster02



Series: The Legend of Rose [1]
Category: Homestuck, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
Genre: Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, I am fandom trash, It's homestuck what did you expect, Jade is going to be a fucking badass, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Regardless kids should get parents permission before going online or some shit, The Legend of Rose AU, crossover fic, fusion au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5922703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hammermaster02/pseuds/Hammermaster02
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the land of Hyrule, darkness is stirring. Only the hero of legend could possibly stop the impending doom of the land. The Great Deku Tree sends the only fairy left, who happens to be rather shouty, to retrieve the girl to save the day. At least, that's what he hopes will happen. In all honesty, the Deku Tree is sure that things are going to get pretty ridiculous pretty quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Unwilling Beginings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Breath Waker](https://archiveofourown.org/works/865118) by [mitspeiler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitspeiler/pseuds/mitspeiler). 



_In the vast, deep forest of Hyrule... Long have I served as the guardian spirit... I am known as the Deku Tree... The children of the forest, the Kokiri, live here with me. Each Kokiri has his or her own guardian fairy. However, there is one girl who does not have a fairy…_

* * *

 

Your name is Jade Harley, and you are standing in the pouring rain for what seems to be no reason. Rain torrents down from the heavens, thunder and lightning crashing as the rain drenches you from head to toe. Your trusty dog, and best friend, Bec stands beside you, shaking his snow white fur in an attempt to dry off, but only succeeds in soaking you even more.

"Aw man! This is my favorite tunic too! Come on Bec!" You playfully glare at the dog who is, impossibly, smirking. You roll your eyes, then look around at your surroundings. "Woah. Where... Are we?" You gaze at the huge castle in front of you, which seems to stretch on forever to the left and right.

“We’re standing, in the pouring rain I might add, outside Hyrule fucking Castle! Jegus, did your fucking think pan melt on the way here?" Says a small, shouty voice. You look around for the source, when you see a small light floating around you.

“Wha-?! A fairy?” Before you can process this shocking development, the drawbridge into the castle begins lowering. When it reaches the bottom, a majestic white horse gallops out. Gazing at the horse, you see a small heart located on its flank. As she passes, you notice two figures astride; a beautiful young girl with bright violet eyes that are burning with intense focus, and an older woman with a flowing red skirt and worry creases clearly visible. The horse pays you no mind at all, but the young girl briefly looks back at you as she passes. You stare after the horse, confused and awestruck at the same time.

Bec begins growling, so you turn around to scold him, but that's when you see him. The first thing you notice is his green skull, sneering at you with a gold tooth. The second thing you notice is how he seems to dwarf his giant black horse. You take an involuntary step backward as the towering man raises his hand, a white ball of energy forming in his palm. You freeze in fear.

"Jade, no!!!!!" The fairy shouts as the energy ball is launched at your face. You brace for impact, but it never comes...

* * *

 

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you've just been summoned by the Great Deku Tree. You don't know why, but you're not surprised. God forbid someone tells YOU what the fuck is going on. After all, YOU'RE only a fairy, and a childless one at that. And that's exactly how you'd like to keep things. The children in this forest are all morons anyway.

In any case, you're now hovering in front of the Deku Tree, wings gently flapping to keep you aloft. He's been droning on and on in old english about "a great darkness" and "go get’est the girl without a fairy." A bunch of bullsh... Wait, what was that last part?

“Hey, Deku Tree? Could you run that last bit by me again?” His limbs sagging, The Deku Tree sighs.

"Look, Karkat. I understand that thou hath a system, but the world be’th in peril and she is the only person able to save it. And since thou art the only fairy left, you must be the one to help her.”

“Fuck that! There’s gotta be someone, fucking anyone, more qualified! Besides, I’ve got a date with the latest rom-com scroll tonight.” A good one too, if the reviews were to be believed, but the Deku Tree shakes his head... trunk... whatever the fuck he has. Don’t badger me about talking-tree anatomy!

“I am sorry Karkat, but it is the only way. Now go Karkat!” The tree booms. “We have little time!” You sigh with annoyance, but fly off toward the bulk of the forest. God, it's always you who has to do this bullshit. When the Deku Baba infestation happened, who did the Deku Tree send to get the exterminator? Karkat fucking Vantas. It’s not like you have anything better to do, like... water your ficus? Okay, so you don’t do a lot. That doesn’t excuse the Deku Tree using you as a god damn messenger fairy! You could be useful! You know things!

Anyway, as you fly through the forest to the idiot kid’s house, you hear a bright, positive voice you never tire of hearing. “Karkitty!” Nepeta flies up to you, excited as always. You wonder what it is this time.

“Hey Nepeta. What do you want?” She grins and points over towards her child, some asshole named Equius, who was holding a giant boulder in each hand.

“Look! Equius just cleared away all the rocks  he needed to clear out! In five minutes!” Of course Equius cleared out all the rocks, he’s fucking ripped. She gets excited over the smallest of things, and you are enamoured with it.

“That’s great Nepeta. Listen, do you know where Jade’s house is?” You hadn’t been in the Main Forest in ages and may have forgotten where everything was.

“Oh,” Nepeta wilts slightly, surprising you. “She lives opurr there, near the shop.”

“Thanks Nepeta. The Deku Tree’s finally given me something to do besides be his messenger boy.” Nepeta perks up as she connects the dots.

“Oh boy! Are you finally getting a kitten to look aftpurr?” You roll your eyes. She’s still doing the cat schtick.

“I guess. Although I’m probably just being promoted to fucking delivery boy. The Deku Tree wants to see Jade for some bullshit reason.” Equius throws the boulders in his hands and then looks over to Nepeta.

“Nepeta!” Equius rasps as he begins sweating. “Please refrain from socializing with such riff-raff. He is a bad influence.” Nepeta sighs, her wings drooping with disappointment.

“Sorry, I have to go Karkitty. See you later!” Nepeta flies back to Equius, who is glaring at you with contempt. You can understand why he doesn’t want Nepeta talking with you; she’s too good for you. She’s beautiful, optimistic, smart, and confident. You’re fat, pessimistic, and you hate yourself more than anything in this god forsaken world, although you are pretty knowledgeable in certain areas.

You continue flying toward Jade’s tree house, when you hear another voice. One you are less excited to hear. “‘Sup Karkat?” You quickly look back, and there they fucking are: Dave and Terezi, the obnoxiously self-appointed leaders of the forest, walking straight toward you, or flying in Terezi’s case.

 _I don’t have fucking time for this!_ If you engage them, you will be hovering there for hours listening to those bulge stains drone on and on.

“Hey Karkat!! How’s your life been treating you?” God you hate Terezi (completely platonically of course). Dave smirks at Terezi’s remark, his dumb shades glinting in the sunlight.

“Terezi,” he says in a monotone voice, “how can he be treated by something that doesn’t exist?” Terezi cackles, and you mean that in the most literal sense. You look around in a panic, trying to find Jade’s house. Ah! There it is! You rush forward, you need to get out of there! Escape seems so close, when a fence appears out of fucking nowhere.

“Son of a bitch!!!” You nearly fall to the ground, but one look back at the assholes behind you gets you to shake it off. You fly through the gaps in the fence as fast as you can without bumping into it again, all the while listening to Terezi’s hear-duct splitting laughter. You’ve never heard Dave openly laugh. He probably thinks it’ll break his “cool kid” image which, in your humble opinion, doesn’t exist. You hover in front of Jade’s door for a few moments, steeling yourself for whatever this kid is like. She’s probably a complete imbecile. You take a deep breath, then fly into the tree house. You are greeted by the sound of intense growling, and then a wall of white flies toward you.

* * *

 

Your name is Jade Harley, and you’ve just been woken up by a mixture of loud barking and the most creative profanities you’ve ever heard. “HOLY NOOK-CHAFING FUCK SOMEONE GET THIS BULGE-LICKING DOG AWAY FROM ME!!!!! DOWN FUCKWAD!!! DOWN!!! HEEL!!!! SWEET SOFA-SHITTING JEGUS HELP ME!!!!!!!!” You quickly get up to see Bec, your dog and very best friend, chasing around a fairy.

“Bec! Stop!” Bec immediately runs over to you and sits down, wagging his tail excitedly. The fairy sighs in relief, then flies over to you in a rage.

“You need to learn how to fucking control your fucking dog!! I nearly died!!!” You narrow your eyes. This asshole is telling you how to live your life! There is no way you can stand by that!

“Hey! I was asleep! How the hell was I supposed to ‘control’ him?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe by teaching him to NOT ATTACK PEOPLE!!!”

“Shut up fuckass! What are you even doing here?” The fairy rolls his eyes.

“Look, I really don’t want to be here either, but the Deku Tree wants to have a word with you. And I swear to fuck if you ask what he wants to fucking talk about I will personally kick the shit out of you.” You already can’t stand this fairy, but if the Deku Tree wants to talk to you, you better get a move on.

“Alright, fine. Let’s go Bec,” you say straightening your green tunic. Bec perks up at the sound of his name, and begins furiously wagging his tail.

“Oh fuck no! That monster is NOT coming with us!!” You shoot a glare at the fairy, which immediately shuts him up. You walk outside and look around, taking in the beauty of the forest, the sun shining brilliantly in the air. You’ve always loved living here, even though some of the other Kokiri were.... less understanding of the fact that you didn’t have a guardian fairy. You had few friends among the children of the forest.

Okay, you had one friend here, besides Bec of course. In fact, John happens to be running toward your house right now, pure excitement emanating from him. “Jade! Over here!” You grin, wondering what has him so excited this time. Maybe he found another hidden passage way in the Lost Woods. He seemed to be the only person who could navigate the woods alone without getting lost. You quickly clamber down the ladder that leads up to your house, the fairy slowly following you. You look up at Bec, who’s sitting on your porch and looking at the ladder with distaste. Then, with a crackle and a flash of green light, Bec disappears from the porch and reappears right next to you. You still have no clue how he does that, but you, John and his fairy have gotten used to it.

The new, rude fairy however obviously had no knowledge of this before now, and as a result nearly falls out of the air as he screams, “SWEET WRIGLER-NIBLING CHRIST!” You giggle at the reaction despite yourself. The fairy turns to you in a panicked rage. “WHY THE **FUCK** DID YOU NOT MENTION YOUR DOG WAS A LITERAL SPAWN OF THE DEVIL?” This makes you laugh more, and you hear John joining in. He always enjoys a good prank, accident or not. You finally calm down enough to say,

“Sorry, I always forget that John and I are the only ones who know Bec can do that.” The fairy narrows his eyes.

“Oh, so after that thing nearly fucking kills me, you don’t think the fact it has demon powers is worthy of even an honorable mention in the ‘Reasons To Be Brick-Shitting Terrified Of My Dog’ category?!” he screeches. John’s fairy decides to pipe in, her voice thick with false sympathy.

“Oh I’m sooooooo sorry Karkat! I guess we should have told you about it. We haaaaaaaave to make sure we don’t make our little baby cry!”

“Shut your fucking mouth Vriska!” growls the new fairy, apparently named Karkat. John turns to Vriska with a slight frown on his face.

“You know, that was pretty mean Vriska. Besides, weren’t you scared of Bec when we first met him?” Vriska flushes a deep blue.

“No, that was different! I was wary of him, which is natural when you meet someone new!” John shakes his head.

“No, I’m pretty sure you saw him teleport and nearly fainted.” Vriska glares at John as Karkat begins laughing.

“Holy shit! You’re telling me that ‘The Fearless Vriska’ was terrified to the point of fucking fainting by this thing?” Vriska almost hisses at Karkat.

“So were you you piece of shit!” John looks nervously between Vriska and Karkat. Vriska had a tendency to get into fights with the other fairies of the forest, and they were known to get bloody. You decide to intervene.

“Guys! How about we save the fighting for when I’m NOT in a hurry?” Vriska and Karkat back away from each other, but continue to glare at each other. With the crisis averted at the last minute by your genius, John grins at you.

“Isn’t having a fairy just so much fun?” he says in a completely sincere voice. “Congratulations on that by the way!” You roll your eyes. John’s niavity in most cases never ceases to amaze you.

“So, you needed me for something John?” John grins wider.

“Oh yeah! The Deku Tree told me that you need to speak with him immediately.” Karkat’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets, and the normally blue-ish light turned vaguely red.

“Are you fucking KIDDING ME!?!? THAT BARK SHITTING SAP SENT ME HERE FOR NO FUCKING REASON!!!!!!” Karkat whirls to face you, steam quite literally pouring from his ears. “Alright shit-wad, let’s get this fucking circus rolling. I have a few choice words to give to the Great Dick-u Tree.” You hear Vriska snort, holding in a laugh.

“Woooooooow. Did it take you all night to come up with that one Karkles?” Karkat whirls back around, turning an even deeper red.

“Fuck off piss wiper!” You decide you’ve had about enough of this fairy and walk off without him. After all, you know how to get to the Great Deku Tree, and Karkat seems to be having the time of his life screaming at Vriska. John can handle them.

“Wait, where the fuck are you going?” Karkat calls after you, and you hear his little wings flapping to keep up with you.

“To talk to the Great Deku Tree,” you say with without stopping, or even turning to look at Karkat. “I can find my own way, thank you very much.”

“Look dipstick wipe, as much as I’d like to leave you the fuck alone, the Deku Tree will be pissed if I don’t. And trust me, you REALLY don’t want the Great fucking Deku Tree pissed at you. He’s called ‘Great’ for a reason.” You heave a sigh.

“Fuuuuh! Fiiiiine. Let’s get this over with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to my first fic to be posted on this site. I hope you enjoyed it. I'd just like to say thank you to mitspeiler for giving me the idea of this AU. Definitely check out his fic "Breath Waker" which, as you'd imagine, is a parody of Wind Waker. It's a bazillion times better than mine is, so if you enjoyed mine, you'll DEFINITELY like Breath Waker. I'd also like to thank my Betas for making sure I kept everyone as in character as possible: CosmahCosmo on Wattpad, and another one who as far as I know doesn't post stuff online, so... yeah... And thank YOU for actually reading all the way through this. Feel free to leave a positive or negative comment in the box below, but if you choose negative PLEASE be constructive. Any constructive criticism is welcome. See you next chapter which will be released...... when it's done. I'll be honest I'm kinda making this up as I go. I make no promises on release dates.


	2. Suddenly Spades

“Dave what the hell?!” Jade looks about ready to tear someone’s head off, and you can kind of understand that. Dealing with these asshats would grate on anyone eventually.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and Dave and Terezi are both blocking the way to the Great Deku Tree. Because they’re fucking assholes.

“Sorry, Jade,” drones the shithead in shades, “but I’m afraid I can’t let you go through here. It’s far too dangerous for anyone other than me and Terezi.” Terezi emits the sound you imagine a skipping record would make if all it played was goat bleats. At least, that’s what you would imagine if you knew what a record was, but they haven’t been invented yet.

“Guess what you fucking bulgeturds, I have orders from the Great Deku Tree to escort this girl to him personally, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to piss off the fucking GUARDIAN OF THE FOREST!” Terezi chokes on her laughter.

“You are so cute when you’re mad!” You flush a deep red, you’re normally blue-ish aura turing the same color. Terezi inhales deeply through her nose, grinning like a maniac. “You smell like a candy apple!” Fuck, there she goes again with this “smelling colors” bullshit. You forgot to mention that earlier during your diatribe about these idiots, but Terezi is (or at least claims to be) blind. Back when you first met her she told you she was able to get around by “smelling colors,” which is literally impossible. You said as much, and she responded by licking your face and saying you tasted like cherries.

Dave pushes his glasses farther up his nose, complete apathy spread across his face. “Well, if the Deku Tree wants to see you, I’ll have to make sure you make it in one piece. Oh wait, I don’t care.” Jade’s face burns the color of Kokiri blood as she shrieks in anger. Today is just not going well for her. You see Dave’s mouth turn up a little, although it’s overshadowed by Terezi’s insane laughter. “Okay, here’s the deal: you find a sick af sword to defend yourself with, and maybe I’ll let you through.”

“You’re such a douchebag!!!!!” Jade jumps toward Dave, attempting to gouge his eyes out, when he suddenly appears directly behind her, getting her trapped in a choke hold. “What the hell?!” The sudden change in movement causes her goofy green hat to fall off, exposing her long black hair. Dave looks to be holding on pretty tightly, sort of pissing you off.

“Let go of her you fucking-” Suddenly, you notice something you never noticed before: she has fucking dog ears. They are twitching with anger, poking up from the top of her head as a stark white contrast to her thick, raven hair. And it is fucking hilarious. You laugh so hard that you forget how to fly and start rolling on the ground, quickly joined by Terezi.

“Holy shit!” You manage between the sounds of hysterics. “Your hear ducts are fucking adorable!”

“Hey Jade,” quips Terezi, “how’d you like a belly rub?” Terezi loses her shit again as you start to calm down. Jade’s ears pull flat against her head as she turns a bright red again. She really is annoyingly adorable when she get’s pissed... Wait, shit, not like that! Bad Karkat! Don’t think like that, she’s just another stupid kid. With a terrifying dog. And an annoyingly upbeat attitude. And a stupid outfit. And an obnoxious laugh. And fucking adorable dog ears..... Shit. Shitshitshit no!! You can’t fall in spades with this Kokiri!! It’s not like she’s going to hate you back too or anything!

* * *

 Your name is Jade Harley, and you’ve just been humiliated. This is why you don’t go out much; everyone in this forest is an asshat. Especially that fucking fairy the Deku Tree sent you. He is the biggest asshole you’ve ever met! He’s always shouting, he doesn’t respect anyone’s feelings, he uses dumb terminology, and dammit if his wings aren’t cute as all hell.... Wait, what? Anyway, Dave let’s you go as he notices your ears, his usually stoic face starting to crack into sadistic glee. “Holy shit Harley. I didn’t realize your mom was literally a bitch.”

“Oooooh, get wrecked!” Shrieks Terezi, managing to fly up and fist bump Dave. Your eyes start to water, your hands clenched at your sides and your ears flat against your head. You’re not sure how much more of this you can take. You reach down and pick up your hat, jamming it over the objects of ridicule.

“Let me guess. You have a tail under that tunic too, don’t you?” Snarks Dave. “Maybe some hair in places that really shouldn’t have hair?” Fuck, you can’t take this anymore. You start bawling as you run, you don’t care where right now, just anywhere but there. Why would the Deku Tree want a freak like you to see him? You suddenly here Karkat pipe up again.

“Hey, Jade, do you go fucking _Teen Wolfos_ whenever there’s a full moon?”

“Wait, what? Dude, what the fuck is _Teen Wolfos_?” You get out of earshot before you can hear the rest of that conversation. You decide to go to your hideaway, a place only you and Bec know about. Even John doesn’t know about it. It’s a small tunnel hidden in the public garden, which only you use. It was probably the only thing that kept you sane in these woods. No one had used the garden for years before you came around, and as a result, twisted, green vines had grown all over the fences and on the wall the garden was pressed up against. When you first started attempting to clear the wall off, you discovered the tunnel and crawled in. Inside was a small alcove that wasn’t very big, a little smaller than your house, but it was perfect. It was isolated, and most important, secret. No one else knew about this place, you’d made sure of that. Once you realized the value of this place, you’d decided to leave the vines that covered the wall so you could keep the hole hidden.

Now that you’ve gotten that exposition out of the way, you can now focus on the crushing dysphoria you’re currently experiencing. You think you may have heard John call out to you in concern, but you can’t talk to anyone right now. You dash to the garden, look around to make sure no one is watching, and duck into the tunnel. You continue hiccuping as you crawl forward, your eyes getting sore and turning red. Emerging from the tunnel, you sit down in the corner of your little alcove and bawl your eyes out. After a couple minutes, a crackle of energy makes you look up, tears still streaming down your face. Bec approaches you and licks your face, making you giggle.

“Aw, I love you too Bec.” Wrapping your hands around his neck, you snuggle deeply into his white fur. “You’re a good dog. My best friend.” Bec emits a light, comforting bark in response. Wait a minute... Why wasn’t he already in your alcove when you got here? He usually is. “Bec,” you say like you’re reprimanding a small child, “where did you run off too?” You chuckle. Who are you kidding? He’s a dog, he can’t talk. I guess you’ll never know what happened.

* * *

 “Look dude, all I’m saying is that it sounds like a trashy romcom with a really scattered plot and horrible special effects.” You’re name is Karkat Vantas and now that Jade has gone off to cry somewhere, you are currently attempting to explain to this uncultured shit pickle that _Teen Wolfos_ is one of the greatest scrolls, in any genre, to be sent to the parchment. Dave doesn’t seem too convinced.

“Fuck you asswipe! The casting of fucking Christopher K. Wolf _alone_ makes this one of the greatest scrolls to get shit out of Hyrulewood Studios!” Dave rolls his eyes.

“Come on man, everyone knows Christopher K. Wolf was only good in _Return to the Time Ahead_.”

“I am going to shove a Deku Stick up your ass you diaper-wearing crap packer!” Terezi gasps in mock horror and covers her mouth with her hands.

“Karkles! How could you do something like that?”

“...Like what?”

“Start flirting with Dave when you just got a new Kismesis!! For shame Karkat!!” WHAT? You feel yourself blush heavily and attempt to play dumb. ‘Attempt’ being the operative word.

“Who, Jade?  What in the shit splitting fuck you’re talking about?” Dave’s eyebrows pop up from over his shades.

“Wait, you have a hate-crush on Jade? That’s fucking weird, bro.” Shit, they’re onto you.

“You idiots don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Come on Karkles, admit it! You’re in _deep_ spades!” Fuck they know, they so know. You start to continue your defence when you hear a crackle of energy and a deep, guttural growl. That isn’t coming from you. The three of you slowly turn around to see Jade’s devil spawn baring it’s teeth. The dog’s fur is crackling with neon green electricity of some kind, branching off only in your general direction, almost ignoring Dave and Terezi.

“Alright,” whispers Dave, “everyone be cool. Don’t freak out, it’ll just piss it off more.” The snarl intensifies as this monster begins stalking toward you. You freak out. You flip your shit and start flying as fast as you can away from this freak of nature.

“Fuck this I’m out!” You get about 20 feet before you feel a strange tingling sensation and end up right back where you started, the dog’s growl deepening. “........We’re dead. That’s it, we’re fucking dead! This shitstain has us trapped here this is the end of the fucking line you guys!” Dave rolls his eyes.

“Dude, chillax. I’ve got this.” This moron then pulls out a really shitty anime style sword and [crouches into a fighting position.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0haC4QkPO0) Bec turns his attention immediately toward Dave, but continues moving forward.

“Wait, are you going to try and fucking fight this thing? Did your fucking thinkpan rust over in these last few seconds!?” Terezi grins, showing all of her sharp teeth.

“You worry too much Karkles! Dave has done this loads of times!” You highly doubt it, but it’s the only chance you have.

“Whatever. I hope this dog disembowels you, nook-tickler.” Dave makes no indication he heard you. He must already be focused on the dog. No one moves for a solid minute, the only sound the crackling of green lightning.

Dave abruptly flash-steps right in front of Bec, the sword hissing through the air straight toward its neck. Just as it’s about to connect, Bec teleports behind Dave, mouth open and looking to tear out Dave’s heart. Dave twirls around and raises the sword just in time to catch the blade on its sharp teeth, his face as stoic as ever. Dave wastes no time, jumping over Bec to slash at his back, but Bec teleports again and then summons a flurry of rocks the size of deku nuts to fling towards Dave. Flash-stepping around them all, Dave swings again. This time Bec clamps his mouth down onto the blade, swinging Dave around and throwing him into the wall. You hear Dave mutter, “Shit,” before he jumps back into the fray, going for a stab straight through the creature's ribcage. Instead, green lightning surrounds Dave as he’s transported in front of the wall, mid-stab. With no time for Dave to react, the blade connects with the stone and cracks in half. “What the fuck?” Dave turns around, not willing to back down. He goes in for a downward slash, teeth bared. Bec phases through what's left of the blade with another crackle, putting it’s paw on the end, holding Dave in place as the cool kid struggles to keep cool. “What the... How the hell...” Bec just stares Dave down, not moving a muscle for what seems like an eternity. Then, the dog opens it’s mouth, leans in, and puts its jaws around Dave’s glasses. You see Dave physically shiver as his shades are removed, then shattered with a sudden clamp of Bec’s mouth. Bec growls long and hard one last time, and with a crackle, he vanishes. Everything is totally silent.

“Hooooolyyy shit!” Terezi shrieks in delight. “That was amazing! You got owned dude!” Dave glares at her.

“Shut the fuck up Terezi, that thing nearly killed me.” Despite the amount of elation you should be feeling at Dave getting destroyed by a dog, all it does is give you a goddamn phobia of that dog that will never go away. Ever. “You two better not tell anyone about this or I swear to Nayru I will go Gerudo on your asses.” Terezi snorts.

“What, you’ll wear a bikini, walk around in a circle and have awful peripheral vision? Oh no, I’m soooo scared.” Dave flips her the double bird and slowly manages to get up. You decide you’ve had enough of these guys. You need to go somewhere to try and not freak the fuck out.

“If you to ball-shitters are done being idiots, I’m going to go find Jade and take her to the Deku Tree.”

“Don’t forget to bring a wicked blade with you.” Dammit, you’d hoped Dave had forgotten that little detail.

“Oh! And you should get a shield too, Karkles!” That’s it. You are done with these douche canoes.

“Oh well shit, would you like me to get you sofa stains a fucking red potion while I’m at it? How about some blue fucking fire!? It’s not like rupees grow on god shitting trees! I can’t just cut down some bushes and find a bunch of blue rupees you bulge chomping morons!!!!” With that, you fly off in a huff in the direction Jade went. This all happened because she was to much of a sensitive bitch to handle a little teasing without sicing her demon spawn on you. At least you’ve learned how to deal with it in a calm, healthy manner... Yeah. Sure.

You continue flying through the shining forest, the mid-day sun nearly blinding you as you search for your charge and also attempt to not completely flip your shit on anyone who glances your way. That fucking dog couldn’t even have the common decency to guide you back to Jade, the bulge-nibbling bastardization of Nayru’s law. It’s not like you have a job to do or anything, one that could apparently cause the end of the world if you fail! Yeah, like THAT’S not enough pressure. You can feel your stomach tightening with anxiety. You swear to god the next person that talks to you is going to experience a rant the likes of which have only been heard of in myths.

“Hey Karkat, did you see Ja-” You whirl around to face John, your mouth opening and letting out all the anger as you get all up in his grill and spit out the following words a mile a minute.

“NO I HAVEN’T SEEN JADE YOU TWINKLING SHIT-TARD AT LEAST NOT SINCE I FOUND OUT SHE’S A FUCKING KOKIRI/DOG HYBRID INSTEAD I’VE HAD TO WATCH HER SHAFT-PISSING DOG DUAL OUR RETARDED SELF-PROCLAIMED LEADER AND NEARLY KILL THE _MEN IN BLACK_ REJECT THAT IS DAVE FUCKING STRIDER I MEAN SWEET MERCIFUL PISS WHY IS HE EVEN OUR FUCKING LEADER HE’S AN ASSHOLE AND DOESN’T GIVE A KEESE’S SHIT ABOUT ANY OF US WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK OH AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON JADE’S REACTION TO ALL OF THIS WHICH IS TO FUCKING RUN FROM HER PROBLEMS AND SIC HER DEMON DOG ON US WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER I SWEAR TO EVERY DEITY THERE IS I WILL KICK THE EVER LOVING PISS OUT OF HER FOR BEING SUCH AN OVERLY SENSITIVE SPAZZ EXPERIMENT!!!!!!!!” You breath fast and heavily, bordering on hyperventilation. You didn't stop to take a breath during that entire rant and as result are quite winded. John looks both scared and confused.

“By the goddesses Karkat, I was just asking if you saw Jade run by here earlier. Obviously not. She looked like she was crying, but I couldn’t really tell.” You heave a deep sigh. You’ve calmed down immensely now, you just needed to let that out.

“Which direction did she go?” John points toward a fenced in area that looks like a garden.

“I didn’t actually see her, but the garden is where she’d probably go if she was upset. She loves gardening.” You roll your eyes.

“Figures. Gardening is such a wimp hobby, it’s like extremely watered down wriggler-sitting!” You wait for Vriska to comment on something you said, probably a sarcastic comment about how watching rom-coms isn’t any less wimpy than gardening, but only hear silence. “Huh. Hey, where’s Vriska?” John blushes slightly.

“Oh, um, I kinda left her at home, she nearly killed another fairy earlier.”

“So? That’s kind of par for the course, what was different this time?”

“Nothing really, it’s just... When I protested she threatened to kill ME, so... I figured we should have some time apart to calm down.” Holy shit this kid is an absolute moron.

“John, do you seriously not realize how obviously in spades Vriska is for you?! Just look at how she’s acting, it’s more obvious than the Deku Tree's nose!!” John raises an eyebrow at you.

“You mean she’s in love with me?” You facepalm at this kids idiocy.

“NO YOU BULGE LICKING DOUCHE WAD I MEAN SHE’S IN SPADES WITH YOU!!!! Jegus fuck kid, get your audio slits cleaned out!!”

“What does ‘being in spades’ mean?”

“It means being in spades what else would it mean?? Holy chair-shitting dicks is your thinkpan rusted over?” John suddenly widens his eyes in understanding.

“You don’t mean that fairy quadrant thing that’s like love but focused on hate, do you?”

“Yes you absolute migraine!!!!! I mean, it’s kind of oversimplifying it, but YES!” Finally, this kid gets... wait, FAIRY quadrant thing? “Hey, can we backpedal in this conversation a little so I can ask for some clarification? When you said ‘fairy quadrant thing,’ do you mean to say the kokiris CAN’T feel quadrants?” John looks at you like you suddenly grew a third gander bulb.

“Yeeeeeeeeees?”

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so between school and a bunch of other stuff, combined with the fact that I came up with a brilliant idea for a Gravity Falls fic (which will likely be a work in progress for at least a year), the fact I got this out as soon as I did is staggering to me. Either way, I'm sorry it took so long, that's probably not going to change anytime soon. Anyway, welcome to the ship-fest everyone! Hope you brought your popcorn, cause this is only the beginning of the drama! I wanted to get a little more in depth with the Black romance in this chapter but it was getting too long for my taste, so that will be in chapter 3. I really hope I portray the caliginous quadrant properly, it's super difficult and confusing. Also, while working on this and researching the spade quadrant, I realized that (for you theater geeks out there) the song "What Is This Feeling" from "Wicked" is literally a perfect definition of a kismesissitude. Thank you for reading my ramblings for this long! Let me know what you thought of the chapter, any constructive criticisms are welcome!


	3. Sort-of Apologies

Holy fucking shit. Past you is an absolute moron. He is the chief of the retardakians, a tribe of ancient idiots that lived in the land of Stupidonia. 

“HOW THE *FUCK* DID I NOT KNOW THAT I CAN’T BELIEVE I FUCKING DID THIS TO MYSELF JADE IS NEVER GOING TO RECIPROCATE THIS-”

“Karkat...”

“I MEAN IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN HELP IT SHE’S JUST SO FUCKING OBNOXIOUS-

“Karkat!”

“AND NOT ONLY THAT SHE’S GOT THE CUTEST PUNCHABLE FACE I’VE EVER SEEN AND-”

“KARKAT!” John interrupts you, probably to stop your tirade from spiraling out of control again. “What in the hell are you talking about?” Shit. You really need to watch your big mouth, there’s no way he’ll understand this.

“Nothing, fucking forget it. You wouldn’t understand anyway, it’s a fairy thing.” John raises an eyebrow.

“I think I’ll be okay. What’s the problem?”

“Look you whining cretin, I don’t want to fucking talk about it! How hard is that for you to understand?? Kokiri’s don’t fucking feel quadrants, that’s all I need to know!!” John’s eyes widen, just like Dave did.

“Oh my god... You have a crush on Jade?” God dammit.

“Fucking hell, FINE! Since our ‘noble leaders’ are going to make me even more of a laughing stock anyway, I might as well spill the metaphorical beans all over goddamn place. Yes, I have a black crush on Jade. Now can I go find her to do my FUCKING JOB and bring her to the Deku Tree?”

“Now hold on a second! You have a  _ hate crush _ on Jade?! How do you hate  _ Jade _ !?” It's your turn to widen your eyes in shock.

“That's private you dick shitting bitch wipe! In what alternate universe would I ever tell you about that you sick fuck?! I'm fucking leaving before you ask what my masturbation habits are or something.” You storm off, absolute disgust emanating from you in waves.

“Karkat, hold on! I didn't mean...” You quickly tune John out as you head toward the garden. What a fucking tool. Who the hell does he think he is prying into your personal life? What you hate about Jade is between you and her. Once you find her, that is, which appears to be an exercise in futility, because once again she’s nowhere to be found. You fly around the garden a bit, looking in bushes, searching through each and every row of plants until you reach the wall on the far side of the garden.

“Well if she’s not here, then where in sweet wriggler Jegus is she?!” You ram your head against the wall as hard as you can, pissed beyond belief. “I can’t fucking take anymore of this cretinous fuming clusterfuckery, just give me a shit-pulsing break for once!!” You continue to slam against the wall, ignoring the slight ringing entering your ears. You continue on like this for a while. Maybe a minute, maybe an hour, you’re not sure. Probably not the best use of your time, but fuck it, you’re pissed. It’s not until you have to stop to prevent the ringing in your ears from deafening you that you notice a pile of vines that had fallen off, revealing a tunnel. “...No fucking way. There is no. Fucking. Way she has a panic room.” You fly into the tunnel, your blue-ish glow illuminating the darkness. You can hear a faint sobbing sound.  _ Fucking jackpot. _ You rush forward, ready to finally get this shit over with. You enter a surprisingly large room, large enough to make you wonder how you'd missed it. And in the corner is your runaway pansy curled in a shaking ball.

“Jade get the fuck up, we have places to be!” Jade looks up at you, and you can see she’s probably been here a while. She looks like a skulltula decided to dye his webbing red and then decorate for guests in her eyeballs. “Jegus, you look like a skulltula decided to dye his webbing red and then decorate for guests in your eyeballs.”

“Leave me *sob* alone you fucking *sob* douche!” Jade throws her head back into her knees and continues to bawl her eyes out. You roll your eyes.

“Oh for shit’s sake, will you just calm the fuck down and get your spinal crevice in gear? We need to find a sword and shield,  _ I guess _ . Those pricks, making everyone do meaningless shit for no reason, wasting my time! They’re going to get theirs someday.” You float in midair for a while, waiting for the trembling wreck in front of you to finally get over herself. It doesn’t happen. Instead, you hear a familiar growling sound. You slowly turn around to see that abomination from earlier. “Nononono stay away! Don’t hurt me! Hey, do you want a ball? A stick?? A...” You search for something the monster might want. “A...” Nothing. “Dammit.” It leaps toward you in a white blur, giving you barely enough time to dive out of the way. The dog slams into the wall, causing some of the vines on the wall shake off and Jade to lift her head up. Her eyes widen when she sees Bec lying on his side, shaking off the daze.

“Oh no, Bec! Are you okay?” She runs over to the dog, deep concern suddenly in her eyes instead of tears. “What happened?” She whips her head toward you, eyes narrowing. “Look at what you did!”

“What I did? What *I* did?? I didn’t do anything asshole! That mop of fur and evil you're hugging is the one that attacked me!!” The glare Jade sends your way could kill a Dodongo. “What?! It’s true!”

“I don’t care what Bec did! I care about you being an absolute dick!!” If your life was a comic, you’d have a question mark over your head right about now.

“What in the name of bark-shitting Christ are you talking about?”

“Ugh, forget it.” Jade goes back hugging Bec, giving you the coldest shoulder you’ve experienced.

“Oh for dick’s sake, is this about the ears you absolute wimp? What, were you expecting Dave and Terezi to just move on from something like those freakish ears being revealed?! Fat chance, those little shit’s don’t let anything slide past them. Trust me, I know. Speaking of not sliding past them, we have a job to do, so get over yourself and let’s go!” You whirl around to fly out the hole you came in, the light at the end of it promising progress on your asinine quest. You finally emerge from the tunnel and take a deep inhale of fresh forest air. “Alright, let’s get this circus train rolling. You can be in our freakshow!” You expect to hear a fit happening behind you (a crying or angry one you don’t really know, nor do you care), so when you hear silence, you’re a little off put. You turn around and see... nothing.

“Are you shiting me?! Uuuuugh!” You rush back through the tunnel, bitching and moaning the whole way through. “How full of yourself can you get, she doesn’t even care that the Deku Tree is asking for her! Jegus’ globe sack...” and so on and so on until you finally get back to the little alcove. Which is now empty. ...Wait, what the shit? “Jade? Are you there? Did your demon dog take you somewhere? I warned you about tha-.”

“Hi nerd!” Shouts a peppy voice from a surprisingly low angle. You look in the direction of the source of the voice, Jade’s face poking out of small hole near the bottom of the wall. Surrounding the hole was a pile of green vines.

“...What in shit’s name are you doing?” Jade rolls her eyes.

“I found another cubby hole, dummy! Come on, let’s explore!” The face vanishes as quickly as it appears, forcing you to quickly fly into the hole.

“Wait, hold on! Come back here!! Aren’t you still mad at me?” Jade giggles, a high, trilling tone that made you feel warm and fuzzy, but also extremely irritated.

“Of course I am, Karkat! But we have more important things to do, so I figured we should just move on!” Huh.  _ Move on _ . What an interesting concept. “You were mean, but you’ve sort of apologized in your own inconsiderate way, so forget it!” Jade winks and stands up in the new chamber, looking around in awe. “Wow! How have I never found this place? It’s amazing!” 

“Whatever, it’s just a room.” That really isn’t true, but it still isn’t all that special. The room itself is actually a small area with two hallways branching off, the one on the left hosting many more branching paths. The one straight ahead banks left farther ahead. The walls are covered in crawling vines, and bushes are growing in every possible corner, although the hallway to the left is clear of any sort of plant life, and black as opposed to the brown walls everywhere else. Jade starts walking toward into the hallway on the left when Becquerel flashes into block her path, legs spread in a defensive position. Jade stops, confused.

“What? What’s wrong, Bec? It’s okay, there’s nothing-” Bec starts glowing green and picks up a small stone, tossing it into the left hallway. After a couple bounces, a flurry of arrows, spikes and pillars of fire are set off. “...Uh-oh.”

“Well, we tried!” You blurt. “Let’s just get the fuck out of here before we set off MORE deadly traps!” You fly toward the tunnel when Jade says, “Now hold on, what about the other hallway?” You cannot believe your auditory glands.

“I don’t know, Jade, maybe because it ALSO IS PROBABLY TRAPPED TO KILL US!?” Jade cocks her head, her hat flopping to the side.

“What do you think, Bec? Is it safe to go the other way?” Bec repeats the process he made before, throwing a stone into the hallway. Nothing. “Look, see? It’s fine, you scaredy-fairy! Let’s go!” Jade takes off down the hallway, quickly rounding the corner. You follow her, about to shout at her for being an idiot when you hear a loud THUNK. “Shit!” Jade screeches. You turn the corner yourself and see a small, smooth cliff with a prone Jade on the ground in front of it. Ignoring the groaning pile of Kokiri, you fly up to the top of the cliff, just high enough to make climbing up not possible for her. On top of it is a hallway that leads to a small room, with a sword, slide in a small slit in the rock. It’s a little short, for normal sword standards, but for a Kokiri it’s perfect! The hilt is brown and curved, with a purple jewel set inside. The light coming through the foliage gives it a heavenly glow.

“Jade, you’re not gonna believe this, but I found our sword.” Jade simply whines in response, still reeling from the impact of slamming into a wall. “Not only that, it looks awesome!” You say as you float back down to Jade’s limp body. “Wait until Dave and Terezi get a load of this!”

Jade manages to squeak out, her voice moving at a drawl, “Shut up, fuckass, my head is pounding.” She sounds like she’s hit one too many mugs of milk.

“Well who’s fault is that? I’m not the one that barreled around a corner completely blind!” Jade pushes herself up, swaying despite there being no wind in the alcove. She moves her arm in your general direction, almost like she was trying to whack you, but it barely raises a foot, missing you entirely. The small amount of momentum is enough to knock her onto her ass.

“Look, shithead.” The wrods are being drawn out of her like Deku sap. “I’m not sure I can get up there.” You roll your eyes.

“No fucking way! It’s not like you probably have a minor concussion, for dick’s sake!” Jade slowly narrows her eyes.

“Just... listen. I c... listen, I can’t go up there, so can you get the sword?” You stare at her completely bumblefucked.

“Jade, you do realize I’m about two inches tall, right? There is no crystal-pissing way I’ll be able to lift that!” She blinks slowly.

“Oh. Right.”

“Why not have Bec do it?”

“Who? Oh, yeah, my magic dog. We can try I guess. Hey Bec. Here boy.” There’s a crackle and a green flash, then Bec appears next to Jade. She smiles and falls into a hug around his neck. “Hi Bec. I love you.” She stays there for a bit, not saying anything, petting the dog’s blinding white fur.

“AHEM. Hello? Earth to walking concussion! We need that sword!” She scrunches her eyes, thinking.

“Why do we... oh yeah. Hey Bec, can you get that... that sword thingy up there?” Jade slumps over and starts snoring as her hat falls onto the ground.

_ Uh-oh.  _ You fly over to Jade’s freakish white dog ears. “Jade? Jade, wake the fuck up!” Nothing. “Jade, I’m not talking to that hellish dog by myself!!” Jade’s ears twitch, but otherwise there’s no response. She’s actually really cute when she’s asl... No! Karkat stop! Bad Karkat! You need to focus on the task at hand right now, which is first getting the sword, then getting Jade help. You heave a sigh. Well, time to attempt civil conversation with a thing that has tried to kill you multiple times. You’re about to do just that when you hear familiar growling.  _ Oh boy. Here we go again.  _ You ready yourself for the onslaught of fur you know is headed your way, but nothing happens. You look at Bec and... wait, what’s he looking at? You turn around. “JEGUS’ ANAL GRINDER WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy CRAP it's been a long time. Sorry about that for anyone who was waiting, I got really busy! I'm still busy, but I'm trying to be more organized and motivated, so I decided to get back to this! Anyway, this chapter was really fun to write, I love writing from Karkat's perspective. And writing Jade's concussion scene was far too much fun, especially with that last little cliffhanger. Expect a lot of those, I'm kind of an evil bastard.  
> Side note, I have a YouTube Channel now! I'm just about to finish my first let's play, so if you're interested, the channel is called "WieredGaming." My goal is to have weekly uploads on Tuesdays, although that might be difficult since i'm still in school. I've been able to keep up with it so far! See you in the next chapter, or in the next chapter of "An Empty Heart, A Hopeful Heart," my other fic that's being updated alongside this.


End file.
